Thursday, September 20, 2007

D.C.ed over

Went to Washington D.C. a few weeks ago and had a horrible nightmare.

In Washington, because there isn't a one-fare-to-anywhere model of subway pricing, you have to swipe your METROTICKET or CHARLIEBUCK or whatever the hell they call it in our nation's capital (Freedomcard?) before you board and after you get off the train.


Listen, I get it.
Okay, Jeremy? I get how "awesome" D.C. metro is -- the flashing lights that let you know when you are about to get hit by a train, the nifty ticker that lets you know when the next Shady Grove-bound redline is careening through. Thanks. I even appreciate the entirely too-futuristic subway decor, which honestly looks more like the sub-arctic government base set in the X-Files movie than a public transportation depot:

(actual film still-- tell me I'm wrong)

Anyway, why, D.C. METRO, why? Why can't we develop a better system? What if I lose my ticket while on the ride? (this happened). What if I am wearing cargo pants and cannot find the pocket it is in for over 5 minutes after de-boarding? (this happened).

So the nightmare I had involved me being in the D.C. subway and losing my ticket. When I tried to tell a police officer they told me basically that I was shit out of luck and had to start life down in the subway. It is at this point I realize there is a whole tent community down in the subway of people who lost their ticket and were forced to re-start life "on the other side of the turnstile" with I-bankers, Smithsonian curators, even a (gay, Republican, fondling) senator here and there. I woke up just as a Hobo-ified Lila Lipscomb (small difference) was offering me some canned peas.

Talked about being D.C.ed over.

3 comments:

Dave R said...

You morlocks sure do keep it clean, though.

Anonymous said...

I think you underemphasized the cool flashing lights.

EReam said...

Your dream sounds like the "Charlie and the MTA" song, minus the whole tent city thing--which is brilliant by the way.